absolute failure meaning in Chinese

绝对故障

I was expected to do poorly by both my coach and myself , but then after i thought of my race and warmed up during the ten minute break i decided to let patience , training and the wisdom of god and master ching hai take over me and i prayed to master ching hai and said , master if im truly to fail as a swimmer and drop beyond my place then you shall reveal to me my absolute failure and let me pass on with my life and give me the courage to withstand my humiliation , but if im not going to lose then i beg you to give me strength through my upcoming challenge
当时教练已经不再期待我会有好的表现，我自己也失去信心，但在休息的十分钟，经过一番思考，并做了暖身操后，我决定考验自己的耐力，同时也让上帝和清海师父的智慧照顾一切。我向清海师父祈求：如果这次比赛我注定会输掉，名次会往下滑，请您让我输得彻底一点，并让我有勇气承受耻辱，继续活下去但如果我还有机会赢，恳求您赐给我力量，让我通过即将来临的挑战。